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I live “FOR EVERYDAY”

I love my eventful life and I try to make it more beautiful every day. Every morning, I wake up with new hope and desire to cherish my life. You can ask where and how can I get this endless power of hope.

Well, that’s very easy answer to me. Because I have the sunshine. That’s sounds very funny but it’s very much true.

Continue reading “I live “FOR EVERYDAY””

Daily dose of self positivitism

Sleeplessness and inner anxiety of getting something which is never be satisfying but obsessional. The obsession to learn, to revive and thrive to do it better but what else. Our  life is just like a ice flake hence there is deep meaning of what we do, how we act truly reflects how we contribute to the world.  I gladly embrace my new shift of obsession, the power  beneath my  soul #selfconciousness #selfworth #selfesteem #selfaffirmation #instagram #instathought #instapeace #instagood

Me at my beloved balcony

Every obsession has its ends……

Missing my hair color.

Once upon a time i used to color my hair every now and then. This is the only part of my body i like to experiment with. Since two years, I have stopped to do so due to the chemical reaction on my scalp. I had to greatly dealt with my allergic inflammation. It took me complete a year to recover.

Anyway natural dye is also my favourite like mehedi which I used to apply at least twice a month since I found this is something I really love to do with my hair. Hence, i dont find real henna leaves after moved abroad, i started to lush henna bar which claims 100 % natural and handmade. And I am satisfied with the outcome.

So here is what I found,

This is not only about coloring my hair, it tells about  reflection of my personality. Whether it is gloomy or no color exists in my life,  I tend to bring color in the guise of power,energy and life in my living. The other way you can think, at times we tend to leave the things we once loved. 

During my Phd study @ University of Dankook in South korea
During my stay in south korea I loved most of their color shade which suits with my complexion, 2015.

Disclosure : make sure do a color patch test before you try hair color at home  

This is my spectacular village; serene and pure

Our villages are full of natural beauties. The spectacular scenario soothe our tired eyes and fill our minds with pleasure of peace. Gratitude to this sanity of earth, still they have so much pure resources to keep us alive, rejuvenate our soul. Everything we consume in village is so fresh and pure. The simplicity and tranquillity made it so special and unique to live in.

This beauty is inevitable. And yes the real beauty lies in nature which is free of cost and abundant.

Our villages are symbol of simple and sophisticated. They are green, full of color and serene beauty.
Banyan tree is very common in rural area in Bangladesh. This one is more than hundred years old. Such a gigantic, strongest and beautiful tree. All the hanging aerial roots made it more alluring to beheld.

Meet these amateur photographs 🙂 of my country. (Bangladesh)

The thirty six amazing years

Hey everyone, good morning.

I hope you are doing fantastic as you just started out your day.

I am gracefully turned 36 today and here I want to share 36 facts about me. These facts obviously based on my whole insight or summation of my personality as I reached this stage. All my life, I have tried to enjoy my ages regardless of where I live, whom I live with, and struggles i face. I believe as we grow up, there is always something to appreciate about life, blessings to embrace. We just need to keep our minds open and search for it.

Let’s talk about my known and unknown facts and you can share yours.

  1. Age never stopped to reflect my personality. I don’t feel age at all except my memories sometimes screw me up as I am getting older. Still, I enjoy doing childish things, making silly fun, or dancing to express my easygoing behavior.
  2. I used to play traditional game with village kids in my early childhood. This simple adapting behavior helped me to grow my foundation as a person to get along with any environment.
  3. My husband and I felled in love after we performed a stage drama called “Ingeet”( In English it’s a; sign’) And the funny thing is, there we portrayed the character of husband and wife.
  4. I got married at the age of 26 and I think this is the perfect age for getting paired, at least you have generous time to enjoy the single life before you step into adventure.
  5. I am an outrageously fun-loving person and aging did not stop me from doing so.
  6. I started watching thrillers in 2013. I used to make a list of high rated movies based on true events, biography, thriller, the plot consists of war and love, and then watched them accordingly.Funny thing is, I used to get scared every time to watch those horrific scenes but still I love to watch these movies. So many times, it happened to me, felled in love with the character and used to study the film for a few days.
  7. I didn’t have an aim in life though it’s weird in our culture. It was either designed by my parents or influenced by my surroundings.
  8. Before and after I get married, I used to have an obsession to give birth own child but afterward my perspective of being parents has changed.
  9. From 2013, things weren’t as favorable as I expected. It disappointed me with every breath. This was the time I started to learn how to culture efforts of growing positivity in every aspect of life.
  10. Once I use to hate my upbringing as it was the most shocking stage in my life. but today somehow, I appreciate my unstoppable moving on attitude and I am grateful to my parents.
  11. I am a huge fan of music when it relates to melody, rhythm, and full of life. These days picking up mostly meditation or soothing music to turn on my mindfulness practices.
  12. From the age of 34, I developed underactive thyroid, sensitivity to sugar, and milk.
  13. I tend to stay natural and I still love it. I emphasize more skincare rather than makeup. Two things are on my go-to list when I step outside, liner and lip balm.
  14. I adore learning about a different culture, food, eating etiquette, and meeting new people.
  15. I don’t remember when I started to study the people I meet. I can read people by observing their posture, appearance, facial expression, and using my intuition.
  16. I do love travel and I tend to sneak into my nearest adventure whenever I can.
  17. I was an unabashed fan of desi drama and now I don’t like it for its monotonous storyline.
  18. It sounds ridiculous but I bite my nails when I deeply think of something. that’s why sometimes tend not to show my tiny nails. 😁
  19. I am a tea person, love ginger or masala black tea without adding milk and sugar. Especially when my mom makes it. But I don’t take it regularly.
  20. I am an inheritably free and independent person since my childhood.
  21. It’s been 5 years since I stopped taking soft drinks, chips, sugar, and milk.
  22. I am an outrageously expressive person when it comes to sharing personal thoughts, struggles, or honest opinions. I have never been in a dilemma to express myself.
  23. I think tip and kajal/liner make you Sharee look complete. Once I was not bothered by collecting tips even I didn’t wear them frequently.
  24. I have only one sibling who is 12 years younger than me, but you would not feel that after meeting us. We always tend to fight back and forth but our love is intense.
  25. During my university days, I used to play music at maximum volume and my neighbor roommate used to get irritated. I wasn’t bothered by doing so as I thought music should be enjoyed at high volume. Now I recall the memories and realize how stupid I was.
  26. I am straightforward and headstrong sometimes to maintain my moral principle.
  27. I waste too much time watching you tube videos, could be a talk show, skincare related, and anything about people and their journey.
  28. In our society, people tend to showcase their bright part, all the blessings they have, how they are proud of themselves sometimes it could be fabricated. I don’t have any judgment on that, but this is me while I used to express my dark chapter besides all the blessings I have in my life.
  29. Red and white is my favorite color though I adore all the color has its own beauty in delighting any events.
  30. Most of the time when it comes to figuring out my carrier or study, I am hell confused as I have affinity in different fields.
  31. I am not a girly girl since my childhood. I love to do my own things, carry my own baggage, and fix things on my own.
  32. I always buy products after watching a lot of reviews and studying how it will benefit me.
  33. All I tried to study myself over the years since I was noticing my flaw and limitations.
    Still working to rectify me every day. But I think I got matured at a very late age.
  34. One and only wish if I get 48 hours in a day, I could do a lot of things.
  35. I am an insomniac and it degraded my sleep quality over the years.
  36. I am not successful, but I am a successfully happy person.

Thank you. 😁Share your thoughts and stay with my blog.

36 years of amazing experience

I miss my golden age “My childhood”

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Childhood bring back to me bunch of memories.I can see it clearly hang upon my eyes on a big colorful screen. There I see, I am running and playing with lots of colours. There are  trees, leaves, flowers, ponds, sand and soil, clay. Many of kids over there with me from various families , groups, religions, class and so on.

I used to wake up very early in the morning and went to collect those snow-white sheuli (Night flowering jasmine) flowers .It was such a pleasure that surround me as fragrance world and I am on the center of beauties.

I was very curious about creative things from childhood. I was very passionate and had mindful attention to paintings. our home was full of my paintings was treated as canvas.

I had the habit to collect of stamp of any countries,I was very fascinated to it.

I liked the adventures of finding as a newbie. Now i feel funny to look back those memories that i did liked to search any new place and address and never fear .

I remember always being enjoying Jhalmuri (spicy puffed rice) and snacks with family members . I was silent and i couldn’t bear shouting, high sound, chaos and crowds..

I loved been sitting along my grandma cooking and preparing those yummy foods that i ever had in my life, still can smell it now.

I love to steal pickle (as i am a crazy pickle-lover) and hide me under the bed or corner of door if nobody can find me.

I miss the days playing in the rain, singing with the clouds.

 Those carefree days with receiving endless and unconditional love and care from everyone upon me without responsibilities , complexities, egos around whereas innocence and believing was the basement of life.

Leaving days out of worries, laying down and a sound sleep without anxiety of the next morning ..Life was very simple and brief.

I lost all of these being matured and old. But to be honest i can never be old as my mindset and innocence cant act as old, keeps me smiling and hurt me inside.turn me  back a journey  of my childhood and i feel rich. 

I recited a lot, Quran, any kind of poem, a story .i loved to read, enjoyed literature , poem , comic series etc.

I missed running  and playing with school-friends . i loved those cultural shows and contests we prepare ourselves in class break . I loved to sing, dance , recite . 

I missed those memories when abbu (Father) made me sleep telling different stories ..i missed the warm hug and embracing from them

I missed those all BTV (Bangladesh Television ) serials we watched together and simply thought those as true.

I was a tomboy, had a  short silky hair, wearing outfit mixed with western. 

I missed the nap we used to take after lunch getting back from school .
We missed those all and they are the golden memories of everyone’s life..And its also true that we cannot ignore reality and cant deny truth. Still sometimes i feel that if i had the chance to get back my old days i would change the pattern of my life, would be more organized and more intelligent changed my carrier , changed my choice and so on.

 But still you can make your life ..you have the power and preference of building yourself by accepting your change, truth and reality.You can change your choice by starting love and being merciful with surrounding. I believe too in following lines……….

“Growing apart doesn’t change the fact that for a long time we grew side by side; our roots will always be tangled. I’m glad for that.”
― Ally Condie

A GIRL SHOULD BE………………a manifesto of our social stereotypes…..

A girl should have every single virtue by born

A girl should be cool and calm

Have to have enough patience being a girl

Should not be go out for playing

Should not be loud and noisy

Should not be outside in dark.

When grew up eventually,

Should know how to make food for family

Should know how to cook properly

How to sew cloth when it breakdown

Should know how to iron wrinkles of cloths

Should know how to keep quiet and silent

Not dare to talk against elders

Not dare to say any excuse, any desire, and any intention

Should not be messy and naughty

Should wake up first in family very early in the morning

Should prepare food and drinks and everything

Should know where kept every cloths

To wash it well

Should be a financially saver

Should know how to keep balance and divide every coin for family’s progress

Should know how to knot a tie

Should be a symbol of beauty

At first treated by color, height and appearance etc ,etc

Should be religious by every breath

Should not be stubborn

Should have every knowledge for a happy family

Should be accustomed to typical culture

A girl should be a perfect woman

Who is responsible for every knowledge

Responsible for every story, every failure

Who hide their fears, hurt, and pain under the smiles,

Laughs and giggles on a daily basis.

Wet pillows with their secret tears

Should give birth, raise and educate

She should take care of everyone

And she is blamed for the any works goes in vain

And she can never be wrong, never in fault

If she, so blamed, so cursed,

Should be tortured, should be punished

insulted and blamed

She can never say ‘’ NO’’

She must know how to say “SORRY”

And sacrifice for everything

A sign of kindness and tolerance

Should know how to pretend and lies

Bla ..bla…bla……

And you don’t know where the limitations stops

Where it finds its boundary

You are dictated in every stage what you would have to do

What you should be

You never know

When it stops being taught by a society  to be

A perfect girl

If anyone goes against these

Is a bad girl, is a poor girl

So stinky, worthless

And we can’t stop the discrimination already society has made for us

Can’t deny our fate and truth,

A girl should be a perfect girl is judged by who already possess every quality of so-called perfect girl, by every being in society

Our society never change their minds about standards of a perfect girl

its goes on from birth till to death…..

A Day with thoughts

Today is 20th February, Friday. Yap, at least smile on my face after a long work day thinking off tomorrow is weekend . So we can throw out all of headache about hectic life and let’s have plan for the weekend how we can create good memories by having wonderful time. It is 11.30 pm, when I arrived home. I called Saku (my floor mate as well as friend)  lived on the next door. As she lives alone, it is easy get in touch and spend time with her. It is always fun to make a plan to explore a new places. as we are stranger we don’t have to worry any surprise. This time I feel no excitement because of my freaking tiredness but feeling a small release from pain while thinking of next day.

We live in cheonan and we select Gyonhbukghun palace to visit which is located in Seoul, capital of South Korea.  I recently bought dslr camera and i wanted to took some great pictures and videos though i am just beginner. we planned for many good things to make the journey joyful. Therefore, I arranged my stuff attentively so that i can get out easily. As usual, i set lovely alarm for wake me up before I sleep.

And yes I finally prepared my bed to have a good sleep.

I am closing my eyes for hoping a wonderful time on next day and then my as usual imagination has come. This is not the first time has happen every time before i attempt to go new place i used to always fantasized about that.. may be we reached on the entrance and show our teeth filming with camera, yay…hi everyone this is me bizlee from Bangladesh and my friend saku from Laus. we are so excited to come here…lets enjoy with us..we can show you the ins and out of the palace. and then may be we are filming street food  .oh…how ridiculous i am …i donno why i am dreaming unnecessarily in real world while i am awake and destroy my valuable sleep.

but trust me its happen often whenever i planned to go somewhere..o bizlee ..cool down ..go to a deepdown sleep ..you have a long journey tomorrow and you need to sleep to get energy and dont make your face full of gloominess…okay ..

yap …now i am so serious about sleep ..its already  2 am..but i made the alarm 8.am and tried to sleep quickly although the golden sleep come one hour later.I was little bit worried about the weather of next day though saku had already checked the forecasting there will rain up to 12 pm.. because it takes around three hours to reach there. so we can be hopeful 🙂

 The morning come and i wake up after one hour late at 9 am..then we had started by train..the journey was full of dizziness and sleepy but comfortably we finished it…

yay..finally we come to Gyongbokgung..

wow ..what a wonderful surprise ””

can you guess ??

……………………

………………….

Aww..

its raining still …and luckily i took umbrella ..

not only raining but also a bitter cold and crazy wind…

is it disappointing? how irritating if you find totally reverse to your imagination..what we hope what we think several times we got the opposite.

it was too cold in seoul and we feel difficult to move because strong wind combined with rain …we just meet the gate of palace and we feel this is not the right time we go inside …may be next time..i show my finger crossed to palace and we were so hungry at that time …we  walk for searching lunch and finally we got a very nice restaurant and my favorite bibimbap (mixed rice with vegetable ,eggs, etc) and saku chose  bulgoritang (Beef soup and stew)..the old women and her husband treat us very politely and we feel very good at the time we spent on that restaurant …i love their simplicity and hospitality how they received customer so importantly and carefully..

the whole day was actually a disaster.. we couldn’t move anywhere and carried our bulky camera on bag that’s so tiring …and the troublesome rain ..

the only good thing is on the way to come home we left on Myondong the gorgeous shopping place.

At night when returning we come in the wrong way so it takes two hour more to reach home.

at the end of the day  we found ourselves freaking tired instead of getting refresh and energize..

This is very small examples  how our thought and dream come  inversely in our life..may be sometimes faces with immense failure and great losses. because things happen unexpectedly  and we don’t need to find the reason behind it. when my thought and reality doesn’t match, actually i starts dreaming from there..if we stop and escape from everything then we just loose ourselves ..this is not the end of everything we have to remember..and i think every occurrence  has a great lesson.

so we have to find out the how we can motivate ourselves to make dream true…

I know this is a very simple example but i hope i can also write about more difficult incidents later..

Hope you all have a nice day.

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THE PERSON WHOM I LOVE MOST ON EARTH

I am writing on 2nd  February about 10.30 am. It’s almost two and half year have passed I lose my grandpa (Mothers father). Still his voice, his deeds, his appearance, knocks my mind. So, I decide I should initiate my writing about someone who influences me most and lives in my imagination all the time. I want to write, and I want to bring out many things that lie deep in my heart.

The early days of my life is always very special to remember. I was young, lovable, idyllic, and always eager to go outside. I born in Dinajpur (My grandpa’s house) and we shifted to Dhaka when I was three and half months old (1984). I grew up in Dhaka and have my education.

Well, I was the first granddaughter of my both parents family  that’s why I was so adoring to them. But my parents were maintained strictly environment  to me and I was in distant relationship to them. So hereafter my story has began.

Every year after completing my hectic study pressure and ruled life I got one month break and actually that time I spent in my grandpa’s house. My parents let me live with my grandpa without any headache. So I was totally free from study and every day’s controlled life. Those days were full of fun. There were lots of people in house but most of the time I spent with grandpa.

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Every morning I woke up with the voice of reciting Quran of him. He was such a good reciter that most of the Surah he could remember with own memory. Those holidays were always winter and it was much pleasure to grab the blanket to keep  body warm. The morning was begun with cackling of chickens and my grandpa’s melodious voice. We had breakfast together, then we went out for morning walk which was always very exciting part to me whenever I went out with grandpa. We walk along the way of village of about 2 km we met every people we greet and talk, get recognized with people.

Village was such a place where every people know each other, share and help, their interactions much more than towns. I hold always one finger of grandpa and was jumping while walking, listened to him. He was a true music lover, cultural minded and always recite  line of Quran on the way of walking.

I grew up day by day and I knew how I resembles to him, but after completing my masters I had discovered and deepen in thought “yap , how he influence my whole thought, my attitude and my whole life. Today he is not in earth but always I talk and walk with him.

He eagerly talked to every people, such a true personality whom everyone respect as he had the power listen to him, as he knew how interestingly communicate with people. From that time I loved to sing or dance or recite Quran and he strongly inspired me along with my studies. He was fond of English and teaches me grammar and translation like a storyteller. And me also loved English from my childhood.

We walked along the way of village. The road was muddy and not plain. the natural beauty strike my eyes, the  village filled with green, with many ponds full of fishes, there was chicks and ducks. Had cow’s fresh milk. There was trees of mango, jack fruit, guava, coconut , blackberry etc.

The other thing is, he was totally a food lover. He was very careful about food and crazy about fruit. He made the decision of everyday what will be cook for lunch or dinner and my grandma did so. She was such good listener and cook that I cant get likely to her cooking to anyone till now. He loves our small traditional  range of fish so did I. He had a sweet tooth. After finishing every meal he had to take sweet.

Those holidays were not just fun, had  actually shaped my learning as I grew up to be the simplicity is the best style and just be myself, no need to take the shelter of pretending, to stay happily and to love the every simple way of life.

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Every evening we went to our village central market where lots of foods and shop out there. People were sitting side by side having snacked and tea with  a good gathering.Everybody comes and I got introduce them”oh there comes your adorable granddaughter”

From that time I got familiar with every relatives and neighbors around the village. Whenever I went with grandpa they talk with me, offer me food and I was getting affectionate to them.

He had the habit to read any article wherever he found. There was no definite choice of his reading. he love to read and he like to write note of every important thing he thought.

December month of my school life was a habit to spend in my grandpas house. Additionally we went to join there at least one EID (Muslims two greatest festival) in a year. Also grandpa come to our home whenever he feels he needs to meet with me. Me too loved to take that opportunity to be with him as I have one true friend like him.

He come to our house and everyday like as adventurous, woke up very early in the morning, reciting Quran then have some light breakfast, go out for a one and half hour walk without following any direction or definite way. We walk and meet people and say assalamu alaikum as everybody known to us. That time I thought everyplace is known to him. How he could assembles people with easy communication and gets recognized with them. There were no class, no grade selection with people. From that time I can mingle with every kind of people. He went to pick me up from school everyday.

The most precious thing his extraordinary letter to me. He wrote me at least three times in a month. It was so emotional and affectionate, there was a lots of event , lots of direction, lots of understanding to relation

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I was fortunate to had walk along with my grandpa in my university area. Most of my friends got to know him as he wants to know them.

Day by day I am grown older and grandpa is little sicker. He was the only adviser and friend in my life that every word was so valuable to me likely him. He was the true and devoted listener of me that when I talk to him I couldn’t think before talk what should tell or not to tell. Every single word I shared with him and I love him more as he believe me blindly.

The day had come when I introduced my boyfriend (now my husband) to my grandpa first and they had a long talk. grandpa had a great desire to go my father–in-laws house and had a plan to arrange for my ceremony preparation. My parents got ready to start to their house to settle a date for ceremony. that time grandpa is more sicker day by day. His movement was restricted as he weaker in heart. It’s the sign of big disease. Though he was sick but he was stubborn to go with my parent. But I forbidden him and he was very sad at that time.

Finally we got married on 10th June, 2011 and grandpa was unable to present there because of his sickness.

I feel also broken without him but always talk over phone bearing my fake smile on face.

My first Eid with my husband’s family which was too difficult for me as I passed mostly every eid with gran pa. That day I couldn’t control my tears and talked a lot with him. But the main touchy thing his voice, come nanuvai come as soon as

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Grandpa getting already weaker as time goes. He couldn’t remember anything, loss his sense of humor. Me with my husband went to visit him and that time I stayed for long days. He lose his weight as he couldn’t eat. I washed his body, message with oil and always be with him for making him comfort.

And the same way he take me out to that market, having snacks and sweets with a good gossiping. He didn’t care about my age and my status. To him I was always same, a little adorable nanuvai, no matter what everything going on. Its came the time to say goodbye, I had a very important task that immediately I had to reach Dhaka . but that day grandpa urged to stay one more day. But there was no way, I felt very upset how could I make him to understand that I had to go. Also very much sad thinking about I am living for many days but why that day he didn’t want me to come back. Then we parted from each other, broke up with tears as like before.

I saw whenever I leave he came to left me on bus stand, bought food for me, gave me money. But this time not like before. He couldn’t go. This time I dint take money , I told, give me your precious love and dua (blessings) , that’s always enough for me for my whole life. That was the last meet with grandpa having sense.

Afterwards he loses his memory and his talking was not clear. He mess up everything and couldn’t recognize anyone.

I can remember his gesture as an always fill-up with laughing face. His silver bear with loving face smiled at me and say I am here with you “Nanuvai”

I had already realizing  the  sign of some bad news.

And, nothing to say at all.

I lost him on 2nd  July 2012.We got a call that my grandpa had a stroke and fallen down.

At this point I feel difficult to write. Just I feel I have gain blank space in my heart which could never replace by anyone and I also don’t want to fill-up the gap. My feeling is like that he is not lost, till today I am bearing his appearance aside me as an shadow friend who always walk with me, laugh with me and give me inspiration of my choice. He gently patted my head when I cried alone, he smiled at me when I break with joy.

Nanu, be in peace wherever you are…. I love you..

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